Biggest "sticking point" thats ruining everything

[sledgehammer]

Yeah. Ive figured that its not really "my game" thats bad, this past month Ive had 3 girls interested in me. One VERY HOT short blonde girl, big boobies, bartender, extremely "socially proofed".

One 35year old short hot milf and one norwegian brunette.

What screws it all up is my insecurities! I feel that I lack good social skills and also sexual skills so I feel I would end up messing it all up if we get together in an "isolated situation" where we could have sex. I dont have much sexual experience at all and with my ex girlfriend the sex was pretty bad, I had problems with cumming too fast and also getting it up sometimes due to nervousness.

I also dont feel "worthy", I dont know why, I dont feel so happy with my life cause I dont really have any straight forward plan to achieving any goals, Im just like going by my day. Im also 24 and I dont even have a driver licence cause euuh... Im lazy.


I know I have to get things going but I keep telling me that but still nothing happends, how do you start out? Write a plan? Anyone been in the same place as me?

I feel like if me and the girl end up spend more time together then she will get to know I dont have any "life" and think Im weird...

I believe that if I could get rid of this and feel more happy with my life, I wouldnt have any bigger issues with getting girls at all. I always get makeouts at clubs now, girls are contacting me on dating sites cause "They think im sexy", my buddies think Im a big pimp just cause they see me make out with girls and the girls messing me but I still dont hook up with nobody...

[Edmond Dantès]

You tell us that it isn't your game thats "bad", but in the next paragraph you tell us that you have a serious lack in social and sexual skills, lol. That's what is actually game in my opinion.


Little status report, so I get this right.

+ Girl's are attracted to you - so you're kinda goodlookin (I guess)
+ you had a relationship, you had sex
+ you get makeouts

-you lack a bit in social and sexual skills
- some emotional issues about sexuality
- neither longterm goals, nor the motivation to change it
-not taking action to achieve your goals
-low self-esteem
-no normal or attractive lifestyle - a deadbeat.

My suggestion:

-fix your self-esteem

a) buy, read and work yourself through "The six pillars of self-esteem" by Nathaniel Branden
b) go to a therapist, if needed.

-dissolve your emotional issues

a) buy, read and work with "Models" by Mark Manson

Simply do it. Everyone here has written several times why you should buy it. Don't wanna repeat myself again. It Will help you with your emotional stuff and to get your life together.

b) go to a therapist, if needed.

-write down some longterm motivational goals that motivate you. If you're lazy then you're not pursuing goals that mean something to you. But at first you have to know what inspires you, so your motivated enough to act against your lazyness (combination of lack of motivation and the bad habit of not taking action)

So

a) write down your goals
b) act on it

- get your lifestyle together

a) get in the workgroup I started a few days ago
b) start some hobbies you always wanted to do

So you see, the good news right now: Everything you're struggling with can be changed. The bad news is: Right now, you're pretty much fucked, because you have some serious problems going on in your life. If you won't change them now, your life will be hell in 5 years and don't even think about 10 years into the future.

PS: In the longrun, someone will bitchslap you in the face for your PUA-Language. Get rid of it, NOW.

[Justin]

I was in your situation about 3/4 years ago in college. Even though I had plenty of girls chasing me, I always felt that I was unworthy of them. The old saying goes "How you can expect some person to love you if you don't even love yourself?" Its very true. Get your life in order, live how you want to live up to the point where you can say you're proud of how you're living and what you've accomplished. It's only then you'll feel like you have something to offer the said chick.

[Halo Effect]

Yep.

- Get a life. One that you can be proud of.

- Go ahead and date those girls anyway. Push through the anxiety and try to be as sexually aggressive as you can. If you can have sex with those girls and they even kind of like it, it will improve your sexual confidence.

[Chaos]

And about your insecurities in sex, just try to make her come before you do... That just means a little more foreplay and making sure she comes at least one before you go into her... She'll love it and you'll relax... Just remember she's already come so you can relax a little bit and actually enjoy it (and that would probably make you last longer anyway)

[sledgehammer]

Thanks for all the answers.

Edmond Dantes, you mentoned 6 pillars of self esteem. In that book he states that there are 6 pillars:

1) Living with awareness
2) Knowing and respecting who you are
3) Living a life of your own control
4) Living a life of self-expression
5) Living with purpose
6) Living a life of congruency

For every pillar, he suggest using Stem Theory to boost them. However, I dont understand how to go about this.

There are several stems for every pillar, but should you take 1 pillar at a time and go thru the weeks with the specifik stems? Or should you take the stems from all 6 pillars at the same time and use them?

[Alvar]

Hi,

Isn't there a exercise booklet with the book?
I don't have the book (only the audio) but you can probably use this ready made program: http://pt.scribd.com/doc/61519065/36-Wee...on-Program
At the very least the instructions will answer your questions.

You can, of course, jump to stems that you find more urgent. I have also created my own stems.