Being comfortable with my sexuality

[bwong]

While I don't know if "sexuality" is the right term for this, I have been thinking how rushing sex has ruined the chances of anything from proceeding with the last 2 girls that I've been with. I guess in talking about my sexual experience I am trying to understand myself better and am looking for ways to improve myself so that I increase the chances I have with women sexually. I feel like I'm the kind of guy who must establish a deeper connection with women in order to have better sex and even get more aroused. The last 2 girls I were with were beautiful and extremely attractive, but both times I had a problem of getting an erection. First girl I ended up getting one but orgasmed so fast that it felt so empty for the both of us. I've been hypothesizing that this has been caused by watching too much porn in the past, however, with my ex girlfriend we had amazing sex when we connected and while I think she's very pretty, she definitely is the least physically attractive out of the three girls.

I guess right now I am sexually frustrated as I have had opportunities to have sex with different women but they dont work out. Im trying to figure out what is the missing link to just enjoy sex and get aroused. I feel like I am very physically hard to turn on and I'm beginning to understand how much I have to be turned on psychology with a girl. For example, if a girl pounces on me and initiates, that turns me on as opposed if I start. I would say I'm an extremely empathic person, who enjoys connecting with others on an emotional level and I'm starting to think that I can only have good sex when this is reached. I almost feel like I can't have sex with a girl if I just meet her because that emotional connection (or the level I need) would be lacking and I don't understand how other guys can just go out and have casual sex.

Is there something I can do about this? Any thoughts or comments?

[Guyintheback]

Why do you want to fight that? I think it's fine that you need some minimum amount of emotional connection.

Do you personally WANT to have more casual sex, or do you THINK you NEED more casual sex? Stupid comparison, but: I don't like to go swimming, so I don't, although everybody else sees the need to tell me what I miss out on.

[Halo Effect]

You don't need to have sex right away. You can do a lot of things in bed besides having actual sex to give her (and yourself) pleasure that are fun and that also create a deeper connection. YOU can decide what you want and when you want it. You don't have to have sex right away.

You say you get turned on when she initiates. In the porn you watch and in your fantasies, is the man dominant or the woman?