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~~Reesays~~ · 03-21-2012 10:51 PM

I have a friend, skinner than me, maybe a bit shorter too, but his face is symmetrical and model-like. I am more outgoing than him and everything but women treat him like he is the king. We both have our insecurities, thing is, he is a Blonde guy who was convinced that Blondes prefer the tall dark and handsome over the blonde look. Fortunately, he had a friend teach him seduction tips and practice them out in real life and now he is dating a good looking blonde.

He had a better life than I did, WAY BETTER LIFE, in his pictures, he was voted IN at beautifulpeople.com. He is an all American Blonde Hair kid with Blue eyes and everything, women literally love him. Makes me feel inferior at times too because I can't even tell myself "oh it is just the deep south" anymore.

I approach and everything, yet failure is failure. I am always a step behind him and looks had a lot to do with it.

Looks get you in the door, personality seals the deal. Before you can seal the deal, you have to get in the door first. Unfortunately, at my age (19), looks matter a lot since most kids are broke anyways and girls just want that guy to nail them hard and leave em. When you get past 25 I am sure career and everything start to play a role but regardless, personality can only do so much and I am not kidding when I say that generally I can act cool around women.

Problem?

Nose = raindrop shaped
Hair = thin and hard to get done right
Body = seeing a lot of results with bodybuilding but I am an endomorph so results are hard to come by
Overall look = a bit geeky and such

Mark, you look like Brad Freaking Pitt (no homo), you have the all American look as well, I am sure you had women running at you and hitting on you your whole life because of your looks alone.

***Mark*** · 03-21-2012 11:23 PM

I'm not that good looking. That's a good pic of me and it's small. I used to be overweight. I've got a big nose. Highest I ever got at Hot or Not was like an 8 and I did not get into BeautifulPeople.com.

I've also worked on myself a lot, gotten myself into very good shape, got a good haircut, dress very well, etc.

The irony is that I used to be very insecure about my looks and used to worry if I was good-looking enough to attract certain girls, or if I needed to lose weight or something to get girls. I got tons of girls when I was fat. I got tons of girls when I was skinny. Now I'm getting tons of girls and I'm in pretty good shape. I don't worry about looks anymore. I just do the best I can with what I've got. I suggest you do the same.

Jani · (03-22-2012)

Dude, WAKE-UP!! *slap in the face*
Ask yourself:"Would you date yourself with this attitude???"
You're like a little whiny bitch. I mean it as though love. I get it, I really do. It's like the world is against you, but you need to stand up like a man!! If you know what you deserve, take what you deserve!!

It's not the looks, but the body language. You should check the program 'Code of The Natural - Rob Brinded' out. This guy is the best for body language. He uses exercises to improve your body language, not some lame advice of keep your shoulders straight, head up,... That doesn't work because your BL is a subconscious activity and you can't control that with your conscious.

Just keep moving, one step at the time and you'll get to your destination.

Tim · 03-22-2012 12:05 AM

I am (relatively) good looking. I can show you a picture but I'd suggest you just take my word. I got accepted by beautifulpeople.com (but hated the concept).

I grew up with a lot of mixed attention that I never knew how to process. I'd get certain girls who would get googly-eyes when they looked at me, I've been told that I look like Zac Effron enough times that I've lost count, and a couple of girls have literally said that I was the cutest guy they've ever met.

On the other hand, the vast majority of girls have acted like I'm average looking and seemed uninterested by me physically at first. I grew up really insecure about my looks, and worried all the time about whether I really was good looking. I would stare in the mirror and think about how I didn't like my nose, ears, and a lot of the rest of my body for a long time.

I still don't, to a certain degree. But what I've realised is that no matter how good looking or unattractive you are, literally EVERYONE is insecure about their looks. It's kind of a curse of being human. The only thing that you can change is how much you let it affect your self-image, and how much you let it affect how you look to others.

If you focus on the things you can change, like dressing better, working out, and getting a haircut that suits you, then you will (usually) worry less about the things you can't change.

And if you stop blaming your looks for your success, or lack of it, you will find it affects your results less, and that you feel like you have more control over them.

Being good looking really isn't that great, I promise you. It definitely doesn't guarantee you success with women, as the teenage years of my life can testify. It isn't as simple as everyone thinking you are hot; even the most good looking guys are found to be attractive by a minority of women. It is almost impossible that it will make you happier; it certainly hasn't for me and a lot of the good-looking people I know.

Face it Reesays; almost anything you want in this world you get with hard work, with facing your own doubts and prejudices one by one, and with being unflinchingly honest with yourself. Stopping blaming your race and looks is a great start to doing that.

IdEngager · (03-22-2012)

Judging off my limited Facebook stalking of Mark, he is slightly above average looking but hardly Brad Pitt. He looks like a genuinely friendly and social guy though, like the kinda guy I'd become friends with I worked with him or was dorm neighbors with him (which is a lot more than I can say about most PUA coaches, who look like total weirdos). I'm going to assume Tim looks exactly like Zac Efron, who is a handsome, handsome man. I once rocked a peach fuzz stache and additional 20 pounds (and embraced my inner drug lord look, apparently), but I still have a lot of the same anxieties I did back then! (Now, by comparison, complete with Asian baby face)

I mostly made this post to post that picture of me looking like a Latin baseball player on a coke bender and to say that Mark is NOT THAT GOOD (still love you dawg, all homo) but pulls plenty of women. Tim, Jani, and Mark really did articulate whatever I wanted to say much better than I could though, and you should really listen to them.

Tim · (03-22-2012)

IdEngager, that is a very impressive transformation. You look suave and enigmatic. I don't like the term 'no homo' so I'll just say... don't take that the wrong way.

***Mark*** · 03-22-2012 01:14 AM

The other factor that no one's mentioning is that women perceive you to be more physically attractive the more emotionally attached they become to you. It's not uncommon for girls when I first hook up with them, to say that although decent-looking, they liked me because I was charming and confident. I almost never get comments such as "You're so hot," or "You're the cutest guy I've ever met," or "I couldn't stop looking at you."

Within a few weeks of dating me they're absolutely convinced that I'm gorgeous and should be a male model, when I look exactly the same. The girl I'm dating here in Brazil told me the other night that I'm the most beautiful man she's ever met and she can't stop looking at me. This is the same girl that when I approached her she blew me off and said she wanted to dance with her friends. Hell, my last serious girlfriend used to tell me when I was naked that they should make statues of me in Greece. This is when I was like 30% body fat and 215 pounds. And SHE said she thought I was totally unattractive the first time she met me (she said I was way too cocky and that I had a crooked smile).

So yeah, morals of the story: Reesays is being a whiny bitch (again) and looks are vastly overrated (again).

Traindom · 03-22-2012 02:25 AM

It's so relieving to hear everyone on here has been insecure or unhappy with their looks at some point. I know it should be common sense, but since I rarely see people ever reference to their insecurities on here, I assumed that I was the only one who thought about it significantly at this point in my life (teenage years, loads of insecurity guaranteed haha).

Nevertheless, I have some faint hope that time will be generous to me. I used to be thin as a child until I got to the U.S., where I started getting horribly chubby (and had a not-so-good haircut), and my cheeks also ballooned. With a lot of hard work and time, I've leaned down significantly.

I'd post pictures, but I think I'll wait a while, at least until high school is over and I don't have to worry about people finding me on this site. Paranoid, yes, but I want these last weeks to be enjoyable and painless haha.

Zac · 03-22-2012 04:16 AM

So much insanely good advice here. Jani broke it down so hard in the first 4 lines.

Halo Effect · 03-22-2012 06:46 PM

(03-22-2012 01:14 AM)Mark Wrote: The girl I'm dating here in Brazil told me the other night that I'm the most beautiful man she's ever met and she can't stop looking at me.

Oh, Mark, it's going to be so sad when you leave her. :'( :'(

(03-22-2012 02:25 AM)Traindom Wrote: It's so relieving to hear everyone on here has been insecure or unhappy with their looks at some point. I know it should be common sense, but since I rarely see people ever reference to their insecurities on here, I assumed that I was the only one who thought about it significantly at this point in my life (teenage years, loads of insecurity guaranteed haha).

Although I still have my doubts at times, I feel confident about my looks now. Many girls have told me I look good. Mark has seen me IRL and he laughed that I shouldn't worry about looks. I am happy with myself now.

I used to be horribly insecure about my looks. I was convinced I was ugly. I felt extremely uncomfortable whenever a girl looked at my face. Sometimes I felt like a monster or something. I think bad acne was the cause of this at some point.

But the lesson I learned was that what you think of your looks (self-image) is mostly independent of your real looks. Insecurity about your looks doesn't mean that you look bad. It's just a feeling that you have. Models that half the world masturbates to can have that exact same feeling.

Zac · 03-22-2012 10:28 PM

Halo I think it's really funny you are saying this because I saw your pictures the other day and I was like dang, that's a good looking guy, no homo.

FirstAidKit · (03-23-2012)

(03-22-2012 01:14 AM)Mark Wrote: The other factor that no one's mentioning is that women perceive you to be more physically attractive the more emotionally attached they become to you. It's not uncommon for girls when I first hook up with them, to say that although decent-looking, they liked me because I was charming and confident. I almost never get comments such as "You're so hot," or "You're the cutest guy I've ever met," or "I couldn't stop looking at you."

I get this effect SO HARD. The guy I'm seeing at the moment, every time I see him in person when I've not seen him for a few days... I think he's kind of weird looking. (Not aided by the fact that he's deliberately grown a perv tache to piss off his boss). And then by about an hour in the way he carries himself and demeanour make me want to jump him.

***Mark*** · 03-22-2012 10:39 PM

(03-22-2012 10:28 PM)Zac Wrote: Halo I think it's really funny you are saying this because I saw your pictures the other day and I was like dang, that's a good looking guy, no homo.

He's like 6'5" too... lol.

Zac · 03-22-2012 10:44 PM

Hax. I'm so short..... damnit.

But seriously. Who cares. There are billions of women on this earth. Some of them like guys my size. I've found a pretty solid amount so far.

So awkward when you are brushing your teeth next to a girl who is 4 inches taller than you looking in a mirror together though....

Tim · (03-22-2012)

(03-22-2012 10:44 PM)Zac Wrote: Hax. I'm so short..... damnit.

Oh that sucks man. I heard short guys literally never get laid. As in; in the entire history of mankind, no short guy has ever gotten laid. Same with Indian dudes... although somehow they have the second largest population of any country.

Zac · 03-22-2012 10:48 PM

Funny thing is, science really does admit that being taller is an actual advantage. Does that mean if you are short you can't get awesome girls? No.

I'm 5'7 and that is 2 inches below the national average for white males. (The kid on my lax team that scored the most hot girls in college was 5'5)

All of my roommates for the past 5 years of my life have been in order...

6'4, 6'3, 6'3, 6'1.

I'm fairly certain I've been with more girls than all of them (except MAYBE the 6'1 three sport college athlete soccer captain). Not trying to brag, not saying I even get with a lot of girls, just saying that being my size hasn't held me back at all.

We all would go out together all the time. Sometimes I look around a bar and realize I'm one of the smallest guys in the entire place and most guys there are much taller than me. That never held me back either.

Nothing like that ever should. That's you holding yourself back. If you think otherwise you are fooling yourself.

I really like that last point Tim. If Indian dudes suck at getting laid someone needs to tell their population size.

FirstAidKit · 03-23-2012 07:35 AM

Dude, you know an Indian guy having sex with anything but a girl white as freshly fallen snow doesn't count.

Matt T · 03-23-2012 08:06 AM

I'm tempted to call bullshit on some of the stuff Reesays has posted. But if it turns out to have been true, I'll just have fed the troll.

What the hell, I'll go for it. For example,

Quote:I hear a tiny bit of a laugh behind me, I turn around and then hear her say, "19 year old virgin here folks!".

How the hell would she know you were 19? Do you go around telling people how old you are when you meet them?

Quote:"you won't ever get a chance like this my brown friend"

This sounds like it came out of a bad cartoon. I have also experienced racism in my experience in the South, but never once have I heard anything like this.

Peanut · 03-23-2012 02:52 PM

(03-22-2012 01:14 AM)Mark Wrote: Hell, my last serious girlfriend used to tell me when I was naked that they should make statues of me in Greece. This is when I was like 30% body fat and 215 pounds. And SHE said she thought I was totally unattractive the first time she met me (she said I was way too cocky and that I had a crooked smile).

lol! People are good at lieing to stroke their partner's ego (so he becomes addicted). I'm 100% sure she never thought they should actually make statues of you with your 215 pounds 30% bf. Which doesn't mean she wasn't attracted to you, of course. It goes back to my idea that genetic compatibility is what matters most. Your genetics don't change based on weight. It's just that most(!) women prefer men who are also genetically compatible who are in better shape if they can get them.

***Mark*** · 03-23-2012 03:16 PM

Thanks for calling my ex-girlfriend and best friend a liar. Stay classy.

Peanut · 03-23-2012 03:18 PM

(03-23-2012 03:16 PM)Mark Wrote: Thanks for calling my ex-girlfriend and best friend a liar. Stay classy.

Everybody lies.

***Mark*** · 03-23-2012 03:22 PM

I didn't say she never lies. But you called a specific statement by a girl you've never met, know nothing about, and who means a lot to me, a lie. If you're here to work on social skills, you may want to stop and take this as a lesson.

Anyway, I explained why her perception could get so warped above. But in case you missed it, you can read more about perceptual biases here: http://postmasculine.com/why-we-all-suck-at-dating

Peanut · 03-23-2012 03:30 PM

(03-23-2012 03:22 PM)Mark Wrote: I didn't say she never lies. I said thanks for calling someone who you've never met, know nothing about, and means a lot to me a liar. That's called being presumptuous and arrogant, as well as insensitive, etc.... Not exactly the best interpersonal traits to project.

Anyway, I explained why her perception could get so warped above. But in case you missed it, you can read more about perceptual biases here: http://postmasculine.com/why-we-all-suck-at-dating

What's it called when somebody takes everything way too personally? All I meant is that no woman on the planet thinks there should be statues of 215lb 30% bf fatties. Why would your friend be an exception?

My point was simply that she said these things to make you feel good about yourself because you, like all men who are obese, were insecure about your body at the time. It is her job, as your partner, to make you feel good about yourself. If anything, I intended it as a compliment towards her. All men should be so lucky to have someone who boosts their feeling of self-worth regardless of what ideals of beauty say he should be.

Edit: And I don't agree her perception could get so warped. That was never the case. People are not stupid, your article about these perceptual biases is wildly exagerated.

***Mark*** · 03-23-2012 03:51 PM

First off, I'm honestly not that offended. But what you are saying is way off-base and could easily be offensive to most. If your goal here is to improve your social skills and relationships, then I suggest you take this as an opportunity to learn.

My girlfriend never had to lie to me to make me feel better. She knew this. What would that say about me if she felt she needed to do that? That would say that I'm really insecure and constantly need approval and affection from my girlfriend of two years. For one, I would never want to date a girl like that. And two, I would never want to be like that myself. Sorry, that just doesn't really fit.

So the two alternatives are:

1. My girlfriend calculates that she should lie to make me feel better, ostensibly because I'm insecure about being fat, and I need the ego boost and said ego boost will make me like her more. Therefore, she chooses to lie to me to create a perception that she likes me more than she does, so that I will like her more than I do.

2. My girlfriend was deliriously in love with me. We had just had amazing sex. She was overwhelmed by her emotion for me and decided in that moment that I was beautiful to look at and expressed that to me.

The first scenario is living and dating someone for two years who is calculating, manipulative, and treats me as if I'm an insecure person who needs their ego stroked. I would never spend two years with someone like that. The second scenario is living and dating with someone who is madly in love with me and is unafraid to express that to me. That's exactly the kind of girl I would date for two years and live with.

If this sounds unreasonable to you, then perhaps you've never been in love.

Peanut · 03-23-2012 04:24 PM

(03-21-2012 11:23 PM)Mark Wrote: The irony is that I used to be very insecure about my looks and used to worry if I was good-looking enough to attract certain girls, or if I needed to lose weight or something to get girls.

Just so we're on the same page here. If you were not insecure about being fat, you would not be thin now because that takes a lot of effort coming from 215 lbs (props btw).

Why does it have to be 1 or 2 like you say? I disagree with both versions. My version is that she liked (loved perhaps) you and therefore told you they should build statues of you regardless of whether you were insecure about yourself or not. It is nice to hear even if you already have a good sense of self-worth. This is what all loving partners do, even when they know in their mind such statues should never be made because as I said, humans are just not that delirious even when in love.

(03-21-2012 11:23 PM)Mark Wrote: If this sounds unreasonable to you, then perhaps you've never been in love.

The reason that it sounds unreasonable cannot be because I've never been in love.

And I'd rather not be agreeable and say what I mean rather than be agreeable and sugarcoat everything so the easily-offended might not have a fit unless they are paying my bills.

Postmasculine