Answering the age question

[Thor]

Since I shaved my head it appears to have knocked 10-15 years of my age. I am 45 but now I alook around 30. I was chatting to this english girl ho was 21 years old. We had a great conversation and she agreed to meet up with me. An hour after I left her she texted me saying "Hey xxxx it lovely meeting you I am curious how old are you ?"

I replied back on text "Ohhh I am older then you". She texted back straight away saying things like "Dont be shy tellme" she was so persistent. I replied back I am 45 years old. She replied back a few minutes later "oh god do you realize I am only 21 years old" I replied back but she never responded.

I felt hurt deep down that someone could judge me simply on my age despite the fact that she was so into me saying how I was so confident compared to other guys she had met.

Maybe I should have fibbed about my age. How would you have guys handled it ?

Thanks

[Trickster]

Lying is never the right answer. It's better to be rejected for who you are than accepted for who you're not.

[Creatine Dreams]

Yeah, I am 34 but I could probably pass for 26. But I will never lie about my age. It is part of who I am and if that is problem for someone, then it was not meant to be.

Also, I noticed that you seem to be interested in younger girls, Oldguy. Have you considered dating someone closer to your age? You might find it easier to relate to them...

[SeXyBaCk]

I'm going to be 29 and I think I would have been the one saying oh god in that situation. 21 is borderline too young for me. Most men can pass for younger if they cut their hair short and clean shave. I could probably pass for 20 myself. You can't lie about your age though, where's the relationship left to go after that then?

Like Crea said, I noticed too that you clearly like younger women. Now you might find a 25 year old wanting to date you no question but I think you will be happier and more successful dating in the 30-40 rage. Think about it, 21, you're twice her age, you might be older than her father. I'm just going to be judgemental and say it doesn't seem right (and a lot of your friends family will probably feel the same way). I'd try and date within your own generation which is max 15 years younger. You don't want to date someone who was born when you were graduating from uni, do you? They don't match you for life experience and their head is in a different place.

[Trickster]

I mean, surely you can understand that for some women it's weird to date someone as old as their fathers, just like how for some women it's weird to date someone who is younger than them. Lying may have gotten you a date, but to what end? You've set the tone that you're willing to compromise who you are for a date/sex/relationship/whatever. That's always a bad precedent to set.

Now, that doesn't mean that the next 20 something year old wont be receptive to dating someone 20 or so years older than her... but it's just a bit more of a rarity is all, which is why guys are recommending you operate within an age range closer to yours.

[Vytas80]

I have a mixed opinion about it and it basically goes the way depending on what you are up to. You have a right to dissagree:

If the man is up just for a short fling, quick lay and is going to never see the girl again, disguising the age is OK if needed. Hell, If I were 45 y.o. on a business trip in Romania had a few drinks in a club and there was a hot 20 something brunette brushing boobs against my shoulder and if she suddenly dropped the age question, I would tease her about it and if she pressed on, I would probably lie. Just because no matter the initial attraction an age gap of 20+ causes a lot of friction (as Mark calls it) and can turn the girl off. You dont need extra friction in this situation. Yes it is lying, yes it is manipulative, but you can make peace with the fact that you lie and act manipulative from time to time (most people do it). You can sort of become honest with yourself that you are occasionaly dishonest and this is part of your identity, part of who you are.

In my home town I am not going to lie about my age. Partly because I am more interested in a genuine connection and partly because in my country I think there is somewhat less social stigma about girls dating men twice their age as long as the man is succesfull and has a great life style.

[youregettingitwrong]

Come on, what does a 45 year old man want with a 21 year old girl other than her body? You are in 2 completely different places with 2 completely different mindsets. Try going for women who are in their 30's+. You will have much more in common and they will not be turned off by your age. Of course, always tell the truth when asked.
Oh, and for the record, when you try and dodge the question by initially saying something like "oh I am older than you," it makes the situation worse. Like you are aware the gap is huge and you are trying your best not to have to tell her the truth, hoping she will settle for the ambiguous answer you feed her.

[CHB2]

It completely sucks to be turned down because of your age. I always find it difficult navigating this area with women who are older than me, so much so that I keep a trimmed beard and relatively long hair primarily because it helps me look older (I am only 24).

In your case I think it is essential to be honest with the girls, she will find out your age at some point anyway. I also agree with the advice that you should consider dating women a little closer to your age range if only because you will likely have more in common. I have a lot of cousins who are in their late 30's and early 40's and we are just at way different places in our lives. I am obviously not talking about romantic connection, just the types of things we talk about are much different than my cousins on the other side of my family who are in their late 20's. I personally like dating people very close to my age because I usually have many things in common.

[baller08]

She didn't reject you because of your age...she rejected you because of your weak mindset about it.

You guys need to learn how to have fun with girls. Age is really not that important for women so long as they feel a connection with you.

Lying is ABSOLUTELY not the answer.

Next time a girl ask you, try this, "I'm 75...and you?"

Regardless of how much she pushes...just stick with having fun with it. I use to tell girls that I won't date them if the 2 digits of their age adds up to more than 10. Its just fun, funny, and shows that it doesn't matter.

This is a dance. Stop being so logical and cerebral when you deal with women during the early stages. Create some curiousity and then let her get to know you. Age won't matter if it doesn't matter to you.

You saying, "Ohhh I'm older than you" already told her everything she needed to know about you. It told her that you're insecure about it, that you don't feel you deserve her, and that you're ashamed of it.

Women have great intuition and they pick up those things in a matter of seconds or minutes. As usual, it's not what you say but how you say it and your mindset behind it.

[Chaos]

Yeah, I agree with baller, just make it a game and have fun.

I'm 31 but I appear like 26 or even 20 if a shave off. I like girls in her twenties so I've hit from 18 to 28, I always get the question and I always play with it.

I either exaggerate as baller says or ask her to guess and then withhold the information from her for a little while... if she guesses low I would say "you're so sweet" if she guesses right I go with "seriously? I hate you... I don't appear a year older than 25... even though you're right " ...

After that... play your age as your advantage!!! I always do... basically I'm 31 so I've a ton of experiences this girl hasn't and I'm probably more mature than she's ... so I just play that (which in the other hand is just the truth) to my advantage.

[baller08]

Everytime I'm invited to a woman's birthday party or even if I'm out and happen to ponder upon a birthday celebration, I always say to the birthday girl in front of her friends, "I'm not going to ask you how old you are because that's rude. So......how much do you weigh?"

Just have fun....doesn't matter guys.

Chaos is absolutely right, age usually brings experience and women will always love a man that can teach her something. It's all in how you look at it guys.

[FirstAidKit]

31 is a LOT less than 45 though! I'd probably people up to 30 now (I'm 22), and even then in the upper range I just don't think we'd have a lot in common. More traditional girls who are into age gaps might go higher though.

I'd say even hitting on girls in their late twenties might make a big difference, I know for me my mental 'upper limit' increased a lot after I got out of the teenage years, and I imagine it will do the same again at other milestone birthdays like 25 and 30.

45 is just like, could be dad though. But hey you might find the girl who gets off on that.

*shudder*

[Mark]

For what it's worth, a good friend of mine is 51 and regularly dates women in the 27 to 35 range. I think the lowest he's gone successfully is 26. He's tried a few times on girls in their lower 20's, but he says he thinks most girls 25 and younger just have too big of a mental block for it, even the ones who seemed attracted to him just wouldn't do it. He says the most important thing is his energy and vibe. When you hang out with him, he has the energy of a 30 year old. He's extremely upbeat and positive. He's had a fascinating life and has interesting hobbies. Great conversationalist. He looks good for his age (looks like he's in his early 40's). But most women aren't immediately attracted to him physically. He wins them over by just being a ridiculously awesome guy and having a young energy to him.

[Chaos]

FirsAidKit. Not really. Apparent age might. Take a look at George Clooney or Johny Deep or specially Matt Damon... true, famous actors and stuff but mainly the point is that male attractiveness endures age a little better than female, so if you look like you're 30 girls a lot of girls will ignore the age difference.

As I've gotten older I've kept dating girls in the same age range (early twenties) and I don't think having 5 more years will hinder me to continue doing so (it may get harder though, due to that mental blockage that Marks talks about, but I don't think that's an attraction problem but a problem of preconceptions in the girl that you have to overcome).

Quote:Come on, what does a 45 year old man want with a 21 year old girl other than her body?

There are so many things wrong with that phrase.

First, what's wrong with wanting a 21 year old girl just for her body? And how is it different from wanting a 35 year old woman just for her body? As if girls would never ever date a guy they just want to have sex with or what? If I just wanna have sex with her and so does she, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.
And second, it's not the age, is the experience and their maturity level. A 21 year old girl that has been living by herself since she's 16 is probably pretty interesting and mature... I've found this to be almost universally true, and in fact those are the kind of young girls I find interesting.

[youregettingitwrong]

@Chaos, sure you can put circumstances on any situation, but I'm generalizing here. For the most part, a 21 year old girl and a 45 year old man are not going to be on the same level. Point Blank.

Secondly, there is nothing wrong with wanting someone for their body, its the word JUST that I have an issue with.

[Creatine Dreams]

Also, important is that Oldguy has never really had a relationship. While he may have a preference for younger women, he should consider dating women closer to his age. He might find that he actually enjoys their company...

[Leo]

(04-05-2012 06:34 PM)Chaos Wrote:  

Quote:Come on, what does a 45 year old man want with a 21 year old girl other than her body?

There are so many things wrong with that phrase.

First, what's wrong with wanting a 21 year old girl just for her body? And how is it different from wanting a 35 year old woman just for her body? As if girls would never ever date a guy they just want to have sex with or what? If I just wanna have sex with her and so does she, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.
And second, it's not the age, is the experience and their maturity level. A 21 year old girl that has been living by herself since she's 16 is probably pretty interesting and mature... I've found this to be almost universally true, and in fact those are the kind of young girls I find interesting.

Yeah, that phrase sounds pretty judgmental to me. I agree with what you said chaos.
I would like to add that I'm a 39 y-o guy and I've had young girls in their 20s hitting ON ME, it's not always the older guy who's looking to have sex with the younger girl, I've had heavy petting sessions that young girls initiated, come on! young girls get horny too and want to fuck. And some young girls have the fantasy of having sex with an older guy, depending how sexy and attractive the older guy is. Society usually sees the older guy like a pervert and the young girl like an angel, yeah right! Well, it depends of the society too, in South America is not uncommon to see couples with a big age gap but here in USA is a sin. It's easier to see gay couples holding hands in USA (I don't have anything against gay people, just in case).
I've had heavy petting sessions with young girls but no sex so far, and to be honest I don't know if it is worth it. It's way too much effort even if the young girl is attracted to you, she's scared, she sees you like way too powerful compared with the kids she interacts with, you have more knowledge, experience, etc. And young girls can look good but they are just inexperienced KIDS that like to play a lot of games and don't know what they are doing. I IMAGINE sex must be very boring with a young girl because of their lack of experience. The best sex I've had was with a very uninhibited 34 y-o woman that still looked good, pretty good actually.
Oldguy I think you said before that you have no experience with women, don't start with young girls, it's harder. You should start with women around your age, get some experience and try with younger women, girls in their early 20s are USUALLY a pain in the ass because of the many games they play and their lack of experience.
The best book I've read about older guys dating young girls is this one: http://www.amazon.com/How-Date-Young-Wom...583&sr=8-4

It's pretty good, everything he says it's true. You have to be patient because the girl is scared, I don't think it's worth it, but if you insist read the book.
You could try too with women in their early 30s that look like young girls too, that could work. Just my 2 cents.

P.S.: Just in U.S.A.
http://gma.yahoo.com/mom-teen-living-tea...ories.html

[Thor]

Mark does your friend haunt this forum ?

(04-05-2012 06:25 PM)Mark Wrote:  For what it's worth, a good friend of mine is 51 and regularly dates women in the 27 to 35 range. I think the lowest he's gone successfully is 26. He's tried a few times on girls in their lower 20's, but he says he thinks most girls 25 and younger just have too big of a mental block for it, even the ones who seemed attracted to him just wouldn't do it. He says the most important thing is his energy and vibe. When you hang out with him, he has the energy of a 30 year old. He's extremely upbeat and positive. He's had a fascinating life and has interesting hobbies. Great conversationalist. He looks good for his age (looks like he's in his early 40's). But most women aren't immediately attracted to him physically. He wins them over by just being a ridiculously awesome guy and having a young energy to him.

---

Well to honest guys when I was chatting to her. The dark brown eyes, the long dark hair, the smile, the smell of her perfume and the fact she had such an amazing body which showed through her top and tight jeans totally turned me on. I wanted to fuck her guys in that moment. I mean how many guys wouldnt want to ?. As men we more often then not think with our cocks rather then our brains. I am sure you have all been there so I dont see anything wrong with wanting her just for her body, If she had agreed to come back to my place am I gonna say no ? definitely not.

Well I do agree that it would be good for me to have a relationship with a girl I can click with and as Creatine Dreams says I might even like her who knows but I will always find myself attracted to girls much younger then me. In a way theres part of me which wants to experience the life I didnt experience with women when I was in my mid twenties. Lets see where this journey takes me thankyou everyone.

---

Well to honest guys when I was chatting to her. The dark brown eyes, the long dark hair, the smile, the smell of her perfume and the fact she had such an amazing body which showed through her top and tight jeans totally turned me on. I wanted to fuck her guys in that moment. I mean how many guys wouldnt want to ?. As men we more often then not think with our cocks rather then our brains. I am sure you have all been there so I dont see anything wrong with wanting her just for her body, If she had agreed to come back to my place am I gonna say no ? definitely not.

Well I do agree that it would be good for me to have a relationship with a girl I can click with and as Creatine Dreams says I might even like her who knows but I will always find myself attracted to girls much younger then me. In a way theres part of me which wants to experience the life I didnt experience with women when I was in my mid twenties. Lets see where this journey takes me thankyou everyone.

[Mark]

No he doesn't.

[Thor]

Leo agree with you here. I mean when I was in Ukraine a few months back. I had girls in their mid 20's hitting on me and wanting to date me. The thing is I was always never sure where to take it and they ended up not seeing me for a second date. When I use to talk to the girls in Ukraine I always seem to capture their imagination with stories of my travels around europe and asia, my online business and how I had lived and worked in other countries.

Theres a huge cultural difference when it comes to dating women depending on the country.

(04-05-2012 07:48 PM)Leo Wrote:  

(04-05-2012 06:34 PM)Chaos Wrote:  

Quote:Come on, what does a 45 year old man want with a 21 year old girl other than her body?

There are so many things wrong with that phrase.

First, what's wrong with wanting a 21 year old girl just for her body? And how is it different from wanting a 35 year old woman just for her body? As if girls would never ever date a guy they just want to have sex with or what? If I just wanna have sex with her and so does she, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.
And second, it's not the age, is the experience and their maturity level. A 21 year old girl that has been living by herself since she's 16 is probably pretty interesting and mature... I've found this to be almost universally true, and in fact those are the kind of young girls I find interesting.

Yeah, that phrase sounds pretty judgmental to me. I agree with what you said chaos.
I would like to add that I'm a 39 y-o guy and I've had young girls in their 20s hitting ON ME, it's not always the older guy who's looking to have sex with the younger girl, I've had heavy petting sessions that young girls initiated, come on! young girls get horny too and want to fuck. And some young girls have the fantasy of having sex with an older guy, depending how sexy and attractive the older guy is. Society usually sees the older guy like a pervert and the young girl like an angel, yeah right! Well, it depends of the society too, in South America is not uncommon to see couples with a big age gap but here in USA is a sin. It's easier to see gay couples holding hands in USA (I don't have anything against gay people, just in case).
I've had heavy petting sessions with young girls but no sex so far, and to be honest I don't know if it is worth it. It's way too much effort even if the young girl is attracted to you, she's scared, she sees you like way too powerful compared with the kids she interacts with, you have more knowledge, experience, etc. And young girls can look good but they are just inexperienced KIDS that like to play a lot of games and don't know what they are doing. I IMAGINE sex must be very boring with a young girl because of their lack of experience. The best sex I've had was with a very uninhibited 34 y-o woman that still looked good, pretty good actually.
Oldguy I think you said before that you have no experience with women, don't start with young girls, it's harder. You should start with women around your age, get some experience and try with younger women, girls in their early 20s are USUALLY a pain in the ass because of the many games they play and their lack of experience.
The best book I've read about older guys dating young girls is this one: http://www.amazon.com/How-Date-Young-Wom...583&sr=8-4

It's pretty good, everything he says it's true. You have to be patient because the girl is scared, I don't think it's worth it, but if you insist read the book.
You could try too with women in their early 30s that look like young girls too, that could work. Just my 2 cents.

P.S.: Just in U.S.A.
http://gma.yahoo.com/mom-teen-living-tea...ories.html

[SeXyBaCk]

From what I seem to remember OldGuy is looking for a girlfriend, a meaningful relation, not a quick lay or fling. OldGuy correct me if I'm wrong.

Most girls and women looking for an actual boyfriend imagine right away how the man will fit amongst her friends and more importantly with her family. 19 years is a massive age gap and sooner or later it's going to cause friction. No question, women will have fun with older guys, I think most will go up to 8-10 years older without hesitating when dating, and down by 1-2 years younger, although pretty much every woman below 25 will claim they'd never date a younger guy. Beyond those brackets though, it can become an "us against the rest of the world" when it comes to maintaining a longterm relationship with someone 15-20 years your junior. Her family is not going to be onside.

I guess it makes me a judgemental prick but I find couples with massive age gaps weird myself. And I sure know how my mum feels about large age gaps (herself having married a man 8 years older).

There are some other things you actual should be considering when entering a longterm relationship with someone much younger:
If you're a guy who is 20 years older you are going to most likely die 30 years before them.
You probably already have children or have made the decision for yrouself not to become a father, a woman's fertile age realistically speaking in between 20 and 35 and just by being with ther you are keeping her from being a mother. It's selfish. Anyway, enough moral preaching from me.

Question is OldGuy, are you only attracted to very young women, or does your lack of experience and fear of being judged by an older woman factor in ...to who you approach? I really am convinced you'll find it much easier to date women of 30 and up.

I myself have very little experience dating younger women, all through my teens and twenties the serious relationships I had were with older women (2-4 years). And I don't regret any. I cringe at the idea of having to witness /be subjected to all the emotional growing up.

In terms of relationships, practically speaking, I think you also need to think past the first few dates. At 21 people want to party and play, or they should at least, get it out of their system. When you're 35 you rather see your friends, enjoy nice dinners or see more of the world. You have more social obligations as well. You have a settle career with all the demands that come with. At 21 most are either jobbing or still getting educated. What are you going to do, what common ground is there? There are more issues. But I'm going to stop here.

I know I would have a mental blockade preventing me from dating and someone who shares a birthyear closer to my niece than my own. But to each his own.

[youregettingitwrong]

@Leo, you just kind of proved my point man.
"..even if the young girl is attracted to you, she's scared, she sees you like way too powerful compared with the kids she interacts with, you have more knowledge, experience, etc.."
"You could try too with women in their early 30s that look like young girls too"
"And young girls can look good but they are just inexperienced KIDS that like to play a lot of games and don't know what they are doing."

Ok so what you're say is that a young girl and an older guy have two different maturity levels, yet.. you go after them? Why- because they look good. Exactly what I just said. When I said "Come on, what does a 45 year old man want with a 21 year old girl other than her body?" I meant her physicality, not necessarily sex. Because as has been established, younger girls generally are more attractive than a woman in her 30's- tighter, smaller, less wrinkly.. however you want to put it. So I ask you, if an older man acknowledges the fact that a younger girl might be immature yet he still opts to go for her over the older woman who he knows he has more in common with, why would he do so? Oh! it's because the youngster looks better, he likes her appearance. Exactly.

Oh, and Leo, that post you just wrote was oozing with judgement.
"I IMAGINE sex must be very boring with a young girl because of their lack of experience"
"You have to be patient because the girl is scared"
Girls are NOT scared little puppies, and what's with this patience crap? You want to keep pushing yourself of a young girl until she becomes ok with the fact you are old enough to be her dad?

[SeXyBaCk]

One more think, even I have been guilty of the occasional

"Who's yo daddy?"

And it's rarely well received, anything from playful punches to the stomach/nether region to... "now I have a headache" has been the usual reaction I got.

[Edmond Dantès]

(04-05-2012 05:14 PM)Chaos Wrote:  Yeah, I agree with baller, just make it a game and have fun.

I'm 31 but I appear like 26 or even 20 if a shave off. I like girls in her twenties so I've hit from 18 to 28, I always get the question and I always play with it.

31? Oh Come on. When I saw you, I thought of a guy in his mid twenties. (25,26)

[Mark]

31's hardly a handicap...

I will say that the ladies here (youregettingitwrong and FirstAidKit) do have a legitimate point. A lot of older guys want to have their cake and eat it too. They want the sexy young bodies, but they want them to be mature and have interesting things to talk about too. Every older guy I've ever met who dates women 15-20 years younger than him runs into problems with immaturity and not being able to relate with one another.

At some point these guys need to get over their fixation on physical appearance and find a woman who's going to make them happy. And that's more likely to be a woman who's slightly older.

I've noticed in myself that I love to sleep with the 18-22 year olds. But most of my significant emotional connections happen with women in the 25-35 age range. And I'm only 28.