A different kind of fear... third-party judgment.

[machiavelli]

So here's something I'm working on -- maybe you guys are too? A lot of time, I fail to approach/fail to make moves, not because of being afraid of rejection from the girl, but because I'm afraid of judgment from other people. Like, I tend to be attracted to younger women (legal, but younger legal), but I often shy away from approaching them because I'm afraid my peers will judge me for cradle-robbing.

Hm. Just tossing that out there. Partly for my own accountability, now that I've said that, I can't avoid dealing with it.

(Though, how do you tell the times when that fear is sensible and healthy? Like, what if people who matter, like employers and shit, are doing the judging?)

[Andy]

Part of my fear of approaching is kind of similar to this. Except for me it's not so much my peers or employers, it's just the random people who may see me approaching a woman somewhere.

Currently I'm doing Mark's approach module which I started a few days ago. Hopefully by the end of the program I will have a better way of dealing with this fear.

[Mark]

"You will stop worrying so much about what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do."

My guess is that on a random person's list of the 500 most important things they're worried about, you approaching a young-ish type girl near them is not going to make the cut. In fact, probably 490 of those 500 things involve that person worrying about what other people are thinking about THEM.

[hiphoppotamus]

machiavelli Wrote:because I'm afraid

Well stop being afraid.
Or roll solo.

"that was an old friend. i haven't seen her in 10 years. she hasn't gotten any older i wonder why"

[Mike]

That is probably my single biggest anxiety issue especially during day game. What's funny though is when you actually do approach a girl, you realize everyone around you didn't give a shit anyway. I guess I'd say keep trying to approach and you'll start to realize this more and more. We are not mind readers so stop caring what other people think so much. We are most likely wrong about what they think of us anyway.

[Andy]

The funny thing is that once I'm past the "approach" and already engaged in the interaction, all the nervousness and anxiety goes away very quickly. It's just the part that leads up to the approach itself that's really difficult, for me at least. But yeah I agree with both Mike and Mark that nobody really cares if they happen to see you talking to a woman. The key is to do this enough so that you realize it both consciously and unconsciously.