Does Promiscuity Ruin You As a Potential Husband?
This question was posed to me by a female reader a while back, and I think it’s an interesting one. Before I get into it, I want to side-step the whole question of monogamy for a minute and operate under the assumption that we’re talking about men who want to be monogamous and married. So the question is, would these men who have spent years on pick up and learning game be more likely or less likely to be good long-term partners?
The implication here is that a guy who spends an inordinate amount of time carousing singles lounges and having one night stands is going to be more easily tempted to wander when he’s tied down, or at least have less patience for working things through with his wife, since there’s always an easy alternative available.
My personal experience and what I’ve observed has been the opposite though. The more sexual experience I’ve gotten and the more I’ve gone out, the more unimpressed I’ve become towards casual sex and pursuing one-night-stands, and the healthier and more fulfilling my relationships have become. Granted, it took me quite a while to reach this point, but I’ve seen the same process play out in plenty of other men as well.
The fact that my standards for a woman that I’m willing to settle down with have become so high lead me to believe that I’d be less likely to stray when I did find that woman who I’d be willing to commit to for the long-haul. When a man has only been with two women in his life, it’s easy for him to question how valuable his connection with his wife is. But when he’s been with 100, he can rest assured that what he has in his relationship is truly special and unique, and therefore he’ll be LESS motivated to stray.
Now, that’s a nice sunshine and rainbows answer, and probably what most people reading this believe and wanted to hear. And although it’s true, I do think there’s a deeper, and slightly darker angle to this situation.
Promiscuous behavior has a strong correlation with low self-esteem. So do failing marriages and cheaters. As I’ve said for years, getting into pick up isn’t just about the girls, it’s a self help movement in disguise. People drawn to it are often drawn to it due to underlying emotional issues and traumas, and these same issues and traumas are very likely to cause relationship problems down the road if not resolved.
On top of that, behavior that is useful for picking up women is often counter-productive or damaging for maintaining relationships with them. For instance, an unwillingness to compromise your needs is a sexy and attractive trait when you’re dealing with a sassy girl in a bar. But when it’s your wife complaining about you ditching her for your friends for the fifth week in a row, then it’s not really that attractive anymore. Relationships take a totally separate toolbox to operate successfully. And although there’s plenty of crossover between the two, many of the tools for relationships are polar opposite of the ones we use to seduce.
So on the one hand, we have men becoming more experienced, more sexually satisfied and developing higher standards and appreciation for the women they do date. On the other hand, the same impulses that fuel the man’s desire to improve himself are often the same impulses that undo the relationship. On top of that, a lot of the specific behaviors he’s worked so hard on adopted can leave him ill-suited to maintain a healthy and happy relationship for the long-haul.
Ultimately, I think this is an impossible question to answer, as game affects each man differently. I would say that the men who utilize pick up as an avenue for self-development, emotional growth and increasing self-esteem, may even possibly set themselves up to be far BETTER husbands than they would have been otherwise. They will be better communicators, better listeners, more in touch with their emotions, more sexually satisfied, and more secure in their sexual experience.
Meanwhile, men who (ab)use game as an addiction for external validation, as another means of avoiding their emotional problems and traumas, they are likely going to be WORSE relationship material. Their underlying fear and pain of emotional commitment will remain unaddressed, and on top of that, they will have less patience, less of a willingness to make necessary sacrifices, and easier avenues for cheating.
So I’d say it comes down to the individual. We all use these tools for both healthy and unhealthy purposes at times. Some of us need more external validation than others. Some of us have more internal hurdles to overcome first. Some of us have healthier beliefs and prior experiences with women than others. Game itself is relatively benign in the long-run.
Get your dating life handled. Become an attractive man once and for all, without faking it or pretending to be someone you’re not.
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