Rejection is an inevitable aspect of meeting and dating beautiful women. You can’t win them all. So it’s best to be able to prepare yourself as well as possible. Most guys when they start out take rejection very poorly. But as time goes on, you learn to handle it. There becomes a separation between a woman’s reaction to you and how you actually feel about yourself.

When you’re inexperienced, there’s no separation, if she doesn’t like you, you don’t like you. But once you develop some resilience and experience, her not liking you seems ridiculous and even funny.

Here are some tips and things to keep in mind when dealing with rejection.

Whatever you do, don’t be hard on yourself. The minute you start beating yourself up saying, “damnit, I suck, what’s wrong with me?” your night’s over. It’s all downhill from there. No matter how ugly things get, no matter how awkward and pathetic you are, DON’T let yourself beat yourself up. Nothing good comes out of it. I try to make kind of a, “we’ll deal with this later” deal with myself. You know how like when you were a kid and you were getting in trouble in public and your mom/dad was like, “We’re going to deal with this when we get home,” because they didn’t want to make a huge scene in public and make things worse? It’s kind of like that. I just hold off all self-criticism and pitying until I get home.

Don’t blame the girls, the night, the venue, blah, blah, blah. Look. Some nights just suck. Some logistics just suck. Some venues just suck. We all know that. Sometimes girls are just bitches and you get the bad luck of the draw. But there’s no reason to look for excuses. If you could be doing better, you could be doing better and that’s all that matters. BUT don’t beat yourself up about it until you get home.

When in doubt, do whatever helps you have fun. What kills you on nights like this is that you’ll have a couple sets that don’t go too well and then you start getting annoyed/upset/frustrated which makes the next sets go even worse, and so on and so on. When you feel yourself getting frustrated and annoyed, take a time out for 30 minutes. Do something that you enjoy. Last night, I did 4-5 sets, none of which went very far and a couple of them I thought I ran horribly (by my standards). I was getting a little pissed, so what’d I do? I sat down at the bar, ordered a beer and watched the basketball game for about 30 minutes. I chilled out, let it all go, quit caring. After about 20 minutes or so, a real cute blonde came and sat next to me. I casually opened her and it ended up being my best set of the night. Take the pressure off, relax and always make sure the fun’s there. If the fun’s not there, nothing will be.

Learn from your mistakes and move on. I like to debrief myself the next day. I find that “sleeping it off” whether a great night or a bad night helps me be objective. The night of, when you get home, regardless of how things went, you’re still on an emotional high/low, you may be a bit drunk, you’re probably tired. It’s hard to be objective in those situations. I like to wait until I wake up the next day to analyze myself. I make note of what I did well and what I didn’t, and once I’ve made a mental note of what I should change I immediately discard the night and let go of it. It’s in the past. Over the next day or two, if feelings of resentment or regret start creeping up, I immediately let them go and move on. There’s no point in dwelling, no matter how bad you fuck up.

Every day is a new day.The best way to get over a bad night is to have a great night. Go out again the next night if you can. Even if it’s not a great night, having fun and having a couple sets go all right sure beats the hell out of sitting at home and dwelling on your fuck ups. Even better, go out with some friends and just goof off. You’ll be over it in no time.

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7 Responses to Dealing with Rejection

  1. bill says:

    damn dude, I went out had a sub-par night and then i read this. it. totally lifted my spirits. This is the first night since our one on one that i havent brought a girl home. And now, i really honestly believe, that i should be able to take a new girl home every night i go out. maybe this isnt realistic? what are realistic expectations for good nights VS bad nights?

  2. chaosman says:

    thanks for the words of encouragement!

  3. sandros says:

    Brilliantly awesome !

    Im the worst at this…

    then you lose focus thats its a skill and not you as a person.
    even if you open up and try to get her to interact with you…sometimes wont work.
    all that adds up and gets in your head..
    then to fix it
    you try harder and it comes out needy and as one girl actually critiqued me she said “Heavy” “you are trying too hard to get with me” …thats how awful.

    great advice

    thanks man !

  4. Karl says:

    I think my skills are pretty good actually but man have I been having some bad nights lately…..I have opened 30 sets over the late week (between day and night) and I just cant get a number lately (or a decent non-flake one) to save my life….even the 6 and 7 crowd has been quite and that’s scary, 8 to 10 crowd forget it….Entropy I think I need another call with you….lol….

  5. Benedict M. Smith says:

    great post. if you’re too hard on yourself, it only exacerbates the problems/negative feedback already a core element of improving as a PUA

  6. PUA Vault says:

    Great post – just had a bad night last night where I spotted this super cute girl I been trying to get with (after 5 dates! – yes I know, my close rate is usually day2 or day3, but she’s super hot) and she was with some other dude. That HURT. This post helped frame it.

  7. ayjay says:

    Hey Mark, got any advice on how to deal with a situation where one’s heart, mind, and soul got invested pretty heavily?  For example, this chick and I hit it off pretty well.  I know she was attracted to me because of the endless text messages we’ve been sending to each other, and also when we would chat online. I was invested in it; I knew she was invested in it as well.   It sounds corny but I would get all giddy whenever we would message each other.  
    Then all of a sudden, she  just stopped responding one day.   Missing her messages the first day was not much of a concern.  Then it turned into days… then into a week…. then to the realization that I couldn’t get hold of her.  I know she’s still alive and well because of her facebook updates.  I know that I have to let go and move on.  But man, it’s freakin damn hard.  I felt she got away, and I’m blaming myself for it.

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